wholockedusout

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whoops this got really really long

C: Who is your favorite character of your own?  Who is your favorite character created by somebody else?  Why? 

my own: a little lady named marina who i started writing ages ago and have written and rewritten a lot of since. in a story with five main leads, she was the only one who had shown up pretty much fully formed and stubbornly refused to listen to more than half the plans i had for her (and to pretty much everyone around her). i'd realized then and there that that she was going to be my favourite.

someone else's: yagami taichi (digimon adventure). i'm probably going to be terribly inarticulate about  this but without turning it into a ten thousand word sobfest of an essay, he pretty much has the best character arc; he grows from a reckless headstrong idiot of a kid to someone who learns how to take on the weight of the world (technically, two worlds) on his shoulders, and learns to do it with grace. it's a hell of a messy, rocky road: he falls flat on his face repeatedly, gets himself in trouble, gets his friends in trouble, gets his family in trouble, but he always ALWAYS GETS BACK UP. and i know this might sound silly and a tad overdramatic but he is one of the best examples of why i sincerely believe that fictional characters are so important and so amazing. all the adventure kids inspired me and resonated with me so, so much and idk if it's because i was roughly the same age as them when i first came across them (probably?) but i felt like i more or less ~grew up~ with them and they did affect me in a very solid tangible way. they taught me how to cope with failure better (which has always been something i've struggled with), and made me braver overall, and no one more than taichi. there are so many excellent moments and scenes but it always comes down to the electric fence for me? probably one of my favourite moments in television history and i love that it shows the naivete of going up against something you don't understand and being yeah, whatever, totally unafraid (the first time he comes across it) and then, the second time, it's the realization catching up with you that what you're about to do might hurt you, might even kill you, but it's important, so important to take risks sometimes that you do it anyway, this time knowingly. it literally still flashes before my eyes because it's there any time you put yourself out there in the way of change, in the way of a physical, mental, psychological, emotional risk; it doesn't have to be an electric fence. it's moving to another country, starting a relationship, quitting a job, or any number of life-changing things, but i don't think anything has captured that literally paralyzing sense of self-doubt and the courage to overcome it (maybe not entirely but enough to move forward, to act) the way that moment did. [as a bonus: i think this lovely bit of art puts a bunch of my feelings on him in a very eloquent, compact nutshell.] i just lovelovelove that while his whole journey was hugely fantastical, it was also really brutally human and relatable and so was he. i know i'm not even doing justice to the impact of it by talking about it but i am still as taken by it and by him as i was almost fourteen years ago and i don't think it has ever happened again to that extent.

F: What’s your favorite book? Favorite author?

whitechurch by chris lynch for favourite. i've read and reread and it never stops hitting me where it hurts and i get something new out of it every time. it's a funny book to talk about because there's nothing big or bold or spectacular about it. it's minimalistic and ambiguous and not altogether very happy. it features an intense triangular friendship (bordering on a lovestory) which is already strained and becomes even more strained when one of the friends is leaving town and the other two are total mess trying to prepare themselves for it.  in retrsopect, i'm pretty sure it was the set-up for my mad love of all other intense triangular friendships and ambiguous friendships and romantic friendships i would come to love in the future.

authors are tricky because i tend to like individual books/series more than individual authors but i feel that margaret atwood was someone i was exposed to early on and her poetry and prose and narrative staples did a number on my head and got stuck in some ways and refused to let me go even though i have mixed feelings on some of her individual works. i actually started reading YA and sci-fi/fantasy much later and promptly fell in love with anyone who could give me glorious convincing worldbuilding. i've loved what i've read of diana wynne jones, mary stewart, robertson davies, & jonathan stroud's bartimaeus trilogy is a thing of BEAUTY. i also recently got swept up in richard siken's poetry and it is beautiful, all of it. i sadly haven't had the chance to do as much reading for fun as i would have liked in the past few years but i really hope to pick it up again soon (which is to say, i am taking recs all of the time)!

P: What are your goals for things to happen to your writing? (Getting published, getting a good review, having a fandom, etc):

for original fiction, i honestly haven't given much thought or priority to publishing. i enjoy the process more than anything and writing has always been my fun place and about creating something to entertain myself and blow off some steam. it makes me really happy if other people enjoy it but i haven't really completed anything that i would feel ready to share on a larger scale and even if/when i ever do, i'm not really sure if i would end up going through with it.

with fanfic, again, i'm usually just trying to write stories that i get a kick out of writing and reading (this sadly does not always end up happening) but it's usually borne out of knowing that said story will not exist unless i make it happen. i don't at all mean to sound self-deprecating when i say this as it's more of an observation of difference tastes but i'm aware that some of the ideas that grab my attention/i want to see written/end up writing isn't the kind of stuff a lot of fandom is into. alternatively, i end up falling hard and fast for a lot of obscure canons (or ships) with nonexistent fic/fan presence and i make my life difficult that way :/ but because fandom is a community and doesn't exist in a void, feedback feels like an indirect reflection of quality once you post something in a public sphere. that's all a very roundabout way of saying that if someone else likes the nonsense my brain comes up with and if it gives them feelings and they let me know this, it basically makes my day, but i'm also trying to get better at doing my own thing regardless and to keep in mind that i wrote something because it made me happy. all of that said, i am a big fan of genuine concrit and way back when, some people had writing comms for this kind of thing but i'm not really sure where or how people go about that these days since fandom attitiudes have shifted quite a bit. i guess it's a job for beta readers now?? anyway, i do feel strongly about constructive criticism (both words being equally important) because i really do want to get better.

W: What’s your biggest pet peeve in writing?

(going to limit this to technicalities and not tropes because that's a whole separate essay) i get really turned off by overly descriptive writing/purple prose/epithets/too many words to say something that could be said with less and done more directly (i'm also fairly convinced that i've been guilty of the last one in the past although i am trying to fix this!!!). if it makes any sense, i can actually stomach bad grammar with a good idea rather than language that sounds frilly and overambitious

Y: How would you describe the perfect prose?  How would you describe your own prose?

ahh i'm fond of so many different styles! i don't know if there's a perfect but i frequently find myself fawning over prose that's sparse but cutting, fewer words but well chosen, like calculated hits to the heart. i'm also fond of unlikely metaphors that you'd think shouldn't work but do, and text that's got a rhythm to it, words that look good and sound good next to each other and flow together.  as for my own (ha ha WHAT PROSE?? i haven't written anything proper in ages), it always feels kind of chaotic and a little bit caught up in the moment, to me at least. at my best, it's a bit sepia-toned, nostalgic and, if i'm lucky, the right kind of visceral. this doesn't happen often, mind. i'm also really weird in that the look and sound of language is a big deal to me (or maybe this is common and other people do this too? idk) but i will try to lean towards what sounds easier, more natural, even if there could be better ways of phrasing something.

and if you've read through all of that, oh my god, please reward yourself with something amazing immediately!!!